Dear everyone,

You are probably all right about what you think of me.

May that appease you then.

Lynette

The sound of hammers striking strings helps.

I am...

(a) a bird swimming in a fish tank
(b) an elephant flying across oceans
(c) a fish swinging from tree to tree
(d) not making any sense
(e) all of the above

Answer: (f)

How to Be Completely Alone*:

(*Being 'Completely Alone' entails being away from all sorts of animate and inanimate matter)

1. Stay at home and make sure everyone leaves the house

2. Go to your room and shut the door and windows

3. Sit on your bed and get under your blanket

4. Close your eyes, pinch your nose, fold your ears over their ear holes

By the time you complete Step 4, you will find that you are still not completely alone. Therefore, I'm kindly offering a free Step 5 as a means of supporting you in your quest.

5. Get a new How-to guide.

Good luck.

The most anticipated name on my calling list - the one I eagerly anticipate because I never ever reach him/her when I try. Oh yes, he/she calls.

(Sarcasm wholly intended.)

Another typical instance of me being willingly and grudgingly (no contradiction there) pushed around. Taken for granted. It's what I'm good at I think.

(Sarcasm wholly intended.)

I long for your 'thank you's. And I long for your 'can I help you's.

(Paradox wholly intended.)

Though you don't seem to know anyway.

Whatever.

Get on with it, get over it, and get out of it.

You wouldn't believe it but you have to (even I don't really believe it but) - I'm still posting here!

I get confused when I measure myself against other people - makes me wonder what I am. Of course, I still don't know what I am, as much as how a rubberband would never know exactly what it is without asking Stephen Perry.

I think its okay not knowing.

There's something else I know though - that if you read this, you will be searching Stephen Perry on Google... or probably already have.

UCB Noteworthy = Performativity

Who would have thought I'd still be blogging? ('Who' includes me.)
I always think I can abandon this blog for good, but haha, no.
The reason why I don't really like blogging here is probably because the things I think of blogging about here these days are different from any of the previous entries in this blog.

This blog shall remain for moments of awkwardness such as this.

I like to keep people guessing.

At the end of the day, I still like the piano.

King Solomon went from stations to stations, kinda like trying out ambitions and goals one after another, but at the end of the day still found God being the sole purpose of his existence.

I'd like to think I did something quite similar (perhaps because there is just this prestige in having any forms of even remote connections with the wise King Solomon). I went from hobbies to hobbies and tried many different things, and found that I am ultimately still most drawn to the piano.

The irony? In the 4 attempts to try to learn piano (twice from the same teacher), I never made it pass the first 10 lessons. Har Har. And to think I'd rather kill myself than skip art class/school/dance/canoeing/tutoring/swimming/polo/yougetthegist. Haven't got an explanation for such dissonance though.

(This post was quite intentionally ungrammatical.)

While everyone seems to be doing quite well, I do feel like giving up. I feel like I've taken one step forward and 2 steps backward. Circumstances have decided the way I am externally and internally. To some degree, I think I am afraid of all that I'd have to give in order to mediate my plight.

"Maybe I have been living too fast, too restlessly, too feverishly, forgetting to pay attention to what is happening here and now, right under my nose. Just as a whole world of beauty can be discovered in one flower, so the great grace of God can be tasted in one small moment. Just as no great travels are necessary to see the beauty of creation, so no great ecstasies are needed to discover the love of God. But you have to be still and wait so that you can realize that God is not in the earthquake, the storm of the lightning, but in the gentle breeze with which He touches your back."

- Henri J.M.Nouwen, "The Genesee Diary"

我們愛 (讓世界不一樣)
讚美之泉

你和我是天父愛的創造
每個人有最美的夢想
一路上彼此照亮　扶持擁抱
我們的愛讓世界不一樣

我們愛　因神先愛我們
雖你我不一樣
我們一路唱
走往祝福的方向

我們愛　因神先愛我們
心再堅強　也不要獨自飛翔
只要微笑　只要原諒
有你愛的地方就是天堂

Alas, when nobody loves anymore, do you still bother?

Q: What kind of a flu is a dry flu?
A: A deadly flu.

Mood now: Awflu (Awful).

I'm so amazingly good at one thing:
Being distracted.
Asset or liability?
I think both.

THIS IS TO DIE FOR ):

"Actually there are a lot of better things to die for la, seriously. Like the gospel." -Christine the Martyr

Dance, liberates the soul.

How queer. I got here without meaning to, and without knowing how to.

When I was stuck in a rut, I picked up all sorts of rather pessimistic attitudes to get me through. The only one thing that I held on to that was "right" if I may say, was the belief that since God has not decided to take me away yet, I shall remain. Perhaps I was just existing, not living. Yet, it was this small little teeny weeny mustard-seed faith in God that "if I would just be around, He could - and if I had more faith, would - do something" that saved me.

I lacked the faith to expect or even hope. All I could believe in was mere existence for the sake of God. In fact, I was so defeated for an apparently long period that I honestly thought I'd never escape such artful desolation of the innermost. But (cliche as it is), I did.

Where I am now is the sum of all the experiences I've ever been through, multiplied by God's grace infinitely. I feel like I've matured in my relationship with God, despite not knowing how that happened. The only thing I did was to start with a little faith. And faith increased. And God did it. And faith increased. And God did it. And faith increased. And God did it. Now I look back to the not so historical past, and I can very confidently say, "God did it."

Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn says:
well if i m a fisherman or a lumberjack i b happy
and juz becos jesus told us to be fishes of men
it means i m going to be 1
lynette says:
uhm
im quite sure Jesus didn't tell us to be fishes of men
i think He said "fishers" of men.
cause if we were fishes, we would get eaten.

After sending Steph a very heart-warming text about our friendship
Me: [text text text]
Steph: Awww, thanks Lynette. I love you too and I believe we will continue til marriage and kids.
Me: DID YOU SAY WE WILL GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS?
Steph: ?!

Anyway, OHMIGOSH, Year 2 Semester 2 has started!

I can't really remember now why I'm online because I have a recurring disease. Yes, I tend to switch on the laptop with a purpose in mind, and when I log on to the internet, I forget (or sometimes get distracted) and wander off somewhere else in the virtual land. When I feel its time to switch off the laptop, I do. Right after the laptop fully shuts down, I suddenly recall what I was supposed to do. Under such circumstance, I usually 1)procrastinate or 2)switch on the laptop..and the cycle repeats itself. Either way, I don't get things done on time.

I'm very sure I have something to do here, just that I can't recall now.

After burning an enormous hole in my pocket for the sake of my hair (which in the end turned out worse than crap that is very bad, will explain if I see you).. my balance of payment is negative. I am running on a deficit, funded by unilateral transfers from the sister.

(Because I don't treat my scholarship allowance as my own.)

Therefore, there is a need to do this:

SAVINGS PLAN!

1. Cab at most 4 times a month
2. Only allowed to purchase at most 1dress + 1top + 1bottom +1bag each month.
3. Eat out at most 2 times a week.
4. No more purchasing scrapbooking materials.
5. Stop canceling tuition.
6. No Dragonfruit juice from the deck when school reopens. (Bring waterbottle and fill with Ribena.)
7. Eat BeeHoon/YTF in school everyday (if necessary).
8. Save $2 everyday (AND STOP TAKING MONEY OUT OF THE PIGGY BANK!)
9. Hide money in the house so that I can be surprised by them one day.
10. Sell 4 pieces of clothes each month.

Let's hope I can keep to this for 3months. Fingers crossed.