the light inside me, You're the One i want
ilovemyJesus!!

if you have fallen, dont brood about it or stay in it.pick yourself up and go!
i know that God has forgiven me, and i dont have to wry about what other people think.i strayed, but as long as i turn back and repent, i know that God's arms are still open wide.

i guess many of us are stuck in the cycle of "backsliding" because we did wrong things and are afraid of repentance, because of the guilt we feel.but bear in mind that Jesus already died for us, washing away our sin.by condemning yourself, you're belittling Jesus's death and resurrection.its as good as saying "Jesus' blood is not enough to forgive me!" DONT belittle the crucifying of Jesus, DONT!

and if what's in your mind is,
"if i become good now, people will think that i am acting good.or they might think that i strayed to get attention and that i'm attention-seeking."
then, YOU ARE REALLY AN IDIOT.are you going to sacrifice your reconcilation with God just because of what OTHERS are going to think? c'mon, its just not worth it! and besides, arent you going to trust God that He will work out good when you repent? do you lack the faith to do things GOD's way, but to have faith in yourself to do things YOUR way? get this clear: when you do things men's way, you get men's kind of result.but when you do things God's way, you get God's kind of result.if you wanna win, play by God's rules.

personally, i experienced what i written above.yup, i was stuck because i was afraid of what others think.and i felt guilty, and i didnt dare to face God anymore.it was so serious that i didnt even dare to open the Bible, i didnt even dare to pray.and i felt utterly shattered and miserable.when things started to happen at home, i couldnt pray since i was afraid to do so.and we all know, without prayer we are nothing! everything was sooo distressing.i even had to lie that my spiritual life was okay and put up a front.

but on friday night(2nights ago), i finally plucked up the courage and talked to God.i remember the very words i said:
me: God, i really dont know what to say to You, i believe You already know everything right?
God: i cant help you if you dont want to do things my way
me: i'm really scared of the results
God: i still love you.trust me.
and immediately i snapped out of what satan tried to trap me in.why had i been so foolish? have i forgotten that the wisdom of man is foolishness to God? i had been seeking the wrong things, i thought with my own mind and did things with my own strength.and i felt so tired of trying to keep everything from crumbling.

on friday i made the decision to LET GO AND LET GOD.but we all know its not that simple because satan is constantly trying to torment us.in the midst of stabalising my relationship with God, satan kept trying to tempt me to sin by giving me thots and stuff.i struggled since friday until today, when God told me that i didnt have to struggle anymore because i am His child.

praise God for His faithfulness.i owe Him my everything!
________________________________________________________________________

on a lighter note,
1)amanda and bernice got me barbie stuff! a barbie watch, a barbie bowl and a barbie cup!
2)i was chased by a random monkey because silvestre made it run after me for a good distance of probably 200m?
3)i bought amanda a SPORTY watch.HA!
4)samuel (fish!) wore my barbie watch throughout cell ytd

that's all folks, sry for the super long entry :\