sigh. today was kinda.. not very smooth. i finally gone through what everyone will go thru someday. just... i dun noe. like i dread to go home. hate everything. i mean. i dun noe la. have this sudden mood swing. i was with grace at tbp. everything was still bright and gay. i mean. happy. not THAT sort of gay. but the very moment she turned her back n left, i... dun noe. the world just seemed so dark. my smile faded away. somehow. i just thot tt maybe everything will be fine if 'm dead. or not alive. i dun noe lah. its not the usual me. maybe what i told grace at tbp just brought up the unhappy memories. i dun noe. this feeling had gone away for a very long time. n it just came back. i hate it. but i cant control it. maybe i can. but i dun noe how to. i dun noe. everything just pisses me off. i cried for very long. my eyes became red n sore. every one at home thot tt its bcuz my brother read my writings. i mean. my thots. actually. its not. tt was only an excuse to cry. i cried becuz i suddenly thot abt all the happy n unhappy times i had before with that someone. n how she always used to be with me. always by my side. giving me support. i even rmb what i said in her birthday card. telling her tt in my whole life, i nv had a better best fren. n how she changed my life. i mean. part of the reason y i changed since sec 1 was bcuz of her. i wanted to show her tt i'm the new me. n accept me. n stop ignoring me. i dun noe. i'm really confused. when i was down bcuz of my 2.4... yangling passed my a pckt of H20. she din tell me who gave it. at first, i guessed it was frm the whole clique. but then. when i asked thm... nearly everyone said it was from her. i dun noe. i seriously dun. xiao min said tt she gave it to me. not her. i dun noe. i wished tt it was her. even if she din mean to give it to me. i would still be happy to know tt its from her.
i dun think she knows how i feel towrds her. maybe she just think of me as another fren. another of her ordinary frens. of cuz i hope i mean more thn tt to her. but... after all i did to her.... sigh. i doubt she's even aware tt i still like her. AS A FREN lah. i just suddenly feel so confused. like... my world tumbling down. its weird to sound like tt... but. sigh. it'll be over soon.

sigh. after what happened last night. everything. just seems so not right. i dun feel so happy anymore. i mean. even the slightest thing would irritate me. sigh. i'm such a b*tch today. i quarrelled with my brother, my mum... n my sis. i din quarrel with my sis. i just.. i was rude n mean to her. I HATE MYSELF! arghs! quarrelled with thm. thn saw my mum secretly shedding tears. i felt so guilty. really guilty. but i dun noe wad to do. i had my pride. i cried again. like a maniac. i havent said sorry yet. i dun noe wad's with me. i feel guilty. but i continue to be mean n sarcastic to her. she just got me a new sim card. got new hp no. but i was so rude to her. evn in front of the dealer. i dun noe wad's with me. i said this:"can u for once dun embarrass me?!" i guess i'm just... not in the right state of mind. maybe its just wad i said to grace n wad happened last night tt's affecting my whole attitude. another vicious cycle. hope everything will be fine in a while.

so anw. today after sch went to redhill market. 11 peeps went. me lydia grace one table. riana wanqi dawn another table. clarice chi hui rosemary germaine jamie another table. hahahah. the fried carrot cake uncle got lots of business. hahahaa. thn the rest left. dawn grace lydia n i went to support maznah for her hockey match. well. i wun say the results. u know what happened lah. n maz disappeared right after the game. the rest... were outside the sports complex... talking to the coach. maz told me tt she din do her best. i dun noe. maybe its her fault. maybe its not. but seriously. i hope she's not reading this. but evn if she does. well.... she was..i dun noe. doesnt seem concentrated. sigh. n worse. being defeated in frnt of her best fren... u all know who lah. i shant say... wasnt exactly wad she had in mind. i mean. sigh. no one likes the feeling of failures.

sigh. eyes hurting like no one's business now. no one cares abt me at home. i mean. at least for today. maybe its just my incorrigible attitude today. sigh. i deserve it. tomorrow shall b a better day.

hey ha! hm. today. kinda interesting. ms chia didnt come. mrs rama didnt come either. n mr chan gave us free half a period. so our class peeps practised their dance. hahaha. n i danced abit with sophia n maznah. hahahaha. thn after sch went to hall. got the 'Sing Singapore'. Joey Swee, Nick Shen, Tay Bin Hui and... i forgot the other guy's name came to our sch. Tay Bin Hui only came to crescent nv go other schs. reason? bcuz his cousin was studying here. so biased!! joey swee so ke ai. hehehehe. like her the most. amongst all of thm. every crescentian all seem to be crazy abt only bin hui n nick. sigh. dun they see tt joey is much better? arghs! hahahahahaha

grace now bathing her dogs. so cool. hahahahahahhaha

after sch, yangling n i went to grace's hse. grace packed her swimming stuff. n set off for delta swimming complex to have her test. n she reached there. N THERE WAS NO TEST!!!! thn we checked the board. crescent girls not evn on the board!!! arghs. i think the course is over liao. sigh. so we went to bukit merah interchange. n they ordered sliced fish bee hoon. hahaha. at first i din want to eat. but... cldnt resist temptation. arghs! i'm such a failure. hahahaha. no lah. i'm a genius. so i ate. waste my money. so expensive!! $4 ok... sigh. i dun need to eat recess for another 4 days liao. sigh... nth much to blog liao. today's entry quite short. hahaha.

this morning- mass run.
thn PE-2.4km. i was actually very excited abt it. but i acted as if i was very nervous. ok. i was abt nervous. but well. more of excitement. BUT IT ALL TURNED OUT BAD!!!! my aim was 12min30sec. its possible. i've done it before. i swear!!! n today. my timing is DEFINITELY more than tt. i knew i could have done it at tt time. I DID IT BEFORE. I SWEAR I DID! i dun noe wad happened to me today. bcuz i was left with half a round to run when it was 12min, i got so... i dun noe. couldnt control the anger. as well as disappointment. i told myself i couldnt run half a round in 30sec. so i stopped n sat down. looking at ppl run past. i dun care. i watched ppl run pass... one by one. until cherlynn. the only person who decided to stop n ask me wad's wrong. dun noe la. somehow. when she showed her concern. i just felt like crying out. but i din. i cntrled my tears. so i ran. afterall, i cant be sitting there until the end of the world right? so i jogged. until left with 7-8m.. i stopped again. to sit down. in frnt of mr samat. he even shouted to me to continue running.i ignored him. thn he walked over. n so. i stood up. n jogged. until i completed everything in THE LOUSIEST TIMING. i suck! i know. alot of ppl keep telling me tt as long as i got grade A can liao. but. its not abt the grade. its me. its all abt me.

ok. so anw. forget the 2.4km. anw. i sorta gotten over it liao. had lit. so fun. hahaha. mdm kala asked us to act out the Antigone play. haha. i was Ismene. hahahaha. so kewl. thn i leaned on the door n the door open n i fell. wow. clap clap. so embarrassing. the whole class laughed. thn to hide my embarrassment, i laughed with thm. bleahx. thn i read wrong line. hahahaha. felt so embarrassed again. dun noe if my face turned red. but it felt hot. hahahaha. thn i pretended to laugh n smile with the class. hahahaha. actually, wad i really felt like doing was to dig a hole n bury myself in it. after tt i volunteered jq to do the "miming in horror" expression. n she told mdm kala she must see me thn do it. arghs. so i went up. relunctantly. afraid of embarrassing myself even more. but anw. i went up lah. n while walking up, i hit her boob in frnt of mdm kala. hahaha. thn stood there. n i said:"jq, u do the expression u did in the photo lah" n she said:"u do it lah. we did it together what" n i was like: ARGH! wad was she saying. we did it together. the whole class laughed. hahahahaha. we did it together!! can u imagine??? yuck lor. sound so obscened!!

k. thn after tt. got austalian maths competition. thn after tt went to canteen. ms chia trea us to pizze. way cool. hahaha. so we ate. thn go back class. me grace n jq stayed in class for a while. thn went down for canoe. today for canoe pt, we stretched, work at the gym, played less thn 5mins of bball. thn went to run again. hahaha. josef tan so... arghs. seperate me frm jq n grace!!! thn huiqin n i were the only sec 2s in tt team. arghs.

thn after tt went back to class. see the ppl dance the teacher's day dance. haha. thn sophia no partner. i partner her a while. learnt a few steps of the dance. kewl eh. hahaha. sophia dance very cute one. hahahah. really. must see for urself. thn after tt go home. n do the usual things hahaha. okok. nth else to add on. bye!

hey. today. um. fine day. not exactly the term i would use. but. oh well. haha

during morning assembly, got 2 warnings frm ms chia. asked me not to talk. 3rd time, she ask zx to sit in front so i cant talk to her. arghs! thn during chi, she made me stand bhind cuz i was slow in taking out my books. YUCKS! i cant stand her. like tt also can. arghs. mameee!!! but i think itz just an excuse. she just wanted to make me stand bcuz i was talking in the parade square. ARGHS!

thn went for some serious boob-hitting. haha. hurt alot of peeps today. feel so guilty. i think i'm not gg hit ppl's boobs liao. firstly, i dun think i should do wad i dun wan other ppl to do on me. secondly, it hurts. it really does. thirdly, it irritates people. n forthly, its kinda sick. n i'm tired of such humor. hahahahahahha.

after sch stayed back in class. grace wantd to do our history skit. figured tt nth has to be done anw. so we stayed n waited for lydia. thn lydia came. grace stayed in class to wait for yl. cuz yl gg to her hse. i wanted to go. but thn. felt very tired. hahaha. so went tbp with lydia n zx. hehehehe. lydia wanted to buy strapless bra for zx!! HAHAHHAHAHA!!! so she can wear her spaghetti strap in peace. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. kewl man.

sigh. hungry. hungry. not so hungry now. but. i ate lesser thn my usual share of food. arghs. feel so horrible now. my stomach has expanded. got more space liao. due to my over-eating. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. now fill it with so little things. haix. feel so horrible. but my mum says its fine time i 'contract' my stomach liao. sigh. bear with it, lynette, it'll be over soon.

n bcuz of not having enough money. i dun noe lah. i made myself a beggar. HAHAHHAHAHA. went arnd begging for money today. but its sorta fun. let's name the ppl who gave me money. according to the BIGGEST DONATER:
1.) Cherlynn Cheong - $2 (yay! thnkew cherlynn! so nice! i will try to return u lah. hehx)
2.) um. Tan Wan Qi - $1 (hehehe. u abit not willing. but. thx anw)
3.) Tan Kai Hui - also $1 (thx hor. evn dou u gave it to me bcuz u were in a rush n i was bothering u. hahaha)
4.) Grace Yew - $0.75 (thx for the xtra 25 cents. to fill my stomach on thursday hahahaha)
5.) Sophia Tu - $0.35 (hehehe. thankew hor. really needed tt.)
6.) Lai Jia Qi - $0.20 (hehehehe. xie xie. take it as interest for owing me money for a long time. hahx!)
7.) Hui Qin - $0.10 (so bad. hahaha. but nvm. thnkew anw. thx for being my first donor)
8.) everyone who wanted to help but 'got no money'. haha. n anyone i missed out. i'm really sorry. i suffer frm short term memory. sorry.

ok. so great. i got enough for my canoe fee, n my mon to thursday's recess. kewl eh. i just realized tt crescentians are kind n generous. hahahaha. i'm not apple polishing. serious. when cherlynn gave me the $2, i was like :"ooi? u sure abt this? really ah?" n she was so nice. she said:"u better eat ah. dun faint again ah." hahaha. thx.

anw. so tired. now. falling aslp. hahahaha. nth to blog liao. bye bye!

this morning. woke up early. wash up. get rdy. went to church at COSW. church of singapore woodlands. used to belong there. but last time was in jurong. so it was called COSJ. church of singapore jurong. aye. y m i telling u all this? hahahhhahahaha
went with my two cousins. i figured its fine time i spent some time with thm. its not an excuse. hahahaha. one of thm is p5 now, another one same age. during spiritual class. i dun noe wad got into me. suddenly read so fluently... like during oral liddat. hahahahaha. n more suprising. i was like. a new comer. n i felt so confident. hehehe. God is with me. =). hehehehehhe. thn every single girl in the spiritual class likes this guy called Aaron. i think tt's how his name is supposed to be spelled. he seems like an introvert. but according to my cousin, during the BBQ, he was so um... un-introvert. yea. if there's such a word, tt is. hahaha. n my younger P5 cousin is gaga over him. dun see anything in him though. hahaha. but anw. yep. he was quite ...um.. whoosh. n the cousin who is same age as me, Evangeline, secretly admires him. woah. she nv liked anyone before... n now. hahahaha. Aaron must b quite attractive thn. hahahaha. my cousins was sorta jealous cuz i sat beside him. n when i was spinning my pencil, i dropped it. so he bent down to pick it for me. n i bent down too. so i hit his head. no. i mean. he hit my head. he felt the pain, not me. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. n he's a um. children teacher. hahaha. he's sec 2. children teacher. woah. kewl. but. not so kewl afterall. cuz my cousin'z one too. shucks. i'm crapping again.

thn went to my cousin's hse. studied there. i'm studying again. recently... keep studying. so studious. hahahaha.

kewl. just received n email frm my cousin. hahaha. she sent me her bdae photos. so kewl. got a few of my pics. hahahaha. but then. i looked so retard n spastic. kept sticking my tongue out to the side. hahaha. in zx's bdae pics also. wad's with me??? n class photo!!! ARGHS!!!! last yr class photo my head was like... tilted. n this yr, the same!! somebody. tilt my head straight for next yr's class photo plz. hahahahahahha. look so extra. evryone's head is so straight. n suddenly... my head. ARGHS! destroyed the whole photo. everything looked so neat. but thn. arghs! nvm!

hahaha. k. kewl. nth else to blog. buh bye!

ok. today was a great day. i slept nearly for the whole day. felt so tired. hahaha. n all my pimples popping up. despite the fact tt my menses is over. arghs. hahahaha. so anw. i slept at 3.27am last night. i mean... this morning. hahaha. i chatted with grace until 12 plus i guess. thn i went to do some writing. dun noe y. keep writing n thinking abt alot of stuff lately. n the poem i wrote below... was written by me. hahaha. bleahx. k. n while writing, i thot. maybe i cld publish my very own self help book one day. n sell them. n before i reach 25, earn my very first million. kewl right? i wouldnt say its impossible. learnt something. u've got to believe...to let something happen. i'm gg to put all my trust in... um... myself. yes. myself. hahaha. n God. i will trust God. hehex. ok. so. enough abt my dream. i mean. not dream. erm. about my... goal? yeps. goal. hahahahahahahha
so i wrote n thought n wrote n thought. n i dun noe y time flew so fast. it felt like... 20mins? but it was like... 3hrs ++? woah. hahahaha.
this mornng woke up at 11am. exact. thn brushed my teeth. combed my hair. wash my face. n did all the things one should do when they wake up. so i was all bright n awake. n guess what? i went back to sleep. n best of all, without eating. ok. maybe i did eat. but not in my memory. hahaha. k. so i slept at abt.. 11.40. thn i woke up at 2pm. just in time to watch Love Hina. but i din watch. i went to do some... um.. weird.. but true... writing. again. n i wrote another 3 pages. its alot k. given my puny handwriting. which isnt very puny afterall. hahaha. crap. so all in all, there are... 13pages now. woah. hahaha. thn i went back to sleep at 3.10pm. i did eat. but i forgot what i ate anyway. oh yah. i ate half of the box of Girl Gudies choclate. half or mint n half of chocolate. so tt makes it.. one whole box. 24 pieces n one box. $8 for one box. so... tt means... i ate up... dun noe how much lah. lazy to count. thn i ate fishball noodles. n 2 paus. n wad else? erm. milo. bread talk the floss bun. n ... i forgot. maybe there's no more. nvm.
i slept at 3.10pm.. woke up at 3.30. very short nap. haha. tried to fall asleept again. but cannt. so i read my dumb book. the.. "Does My Bum Look Big in This?" hahaha. talking abt books. zx introduced me a book.. called "When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit". erm. if u guys know this book, or know where to find it... can help me borrow? yeps. thx. k. i read 2 pages plus of the book n fell asleep. yay. so happy. thn woke up at 4.10. for a short while. ate one bowl of cereal n went back to bed. HAAHAHAHAHA. k. n woke up at 7pm. talked to my mum for a while. SERIOUS TALK. she asked me abt alot of things. n encouraged me to read the Bible. so i did. n i read. i din fall asleep. amazingly. hahaha. after reading 8 chapters of Job... which i din really absorb... absorbed abit. but not all of it. hahaha. nvm. n learnt to trust God. kewl eh? hahaha. thn ate dinner. rice n chicken n omelette. so boring. sigh. nvm. afterall, food goes into the stomach n all bcum the same. haha
thn came online... n ta-da. here i am. hahahahahah

Crying Angel
I know a crying angel that always has a tear rolling down her cheek.
She always pretends to be happy and she is always so sweet.
But how can anyone cry this much is she really that weak?
She is always called an angel but she is always feeling defeat.
Her heart is like a puzzle that can never be complete.
Why does she choose to cry?
I guess I can just wonder why.
What is it that happened to her that always makes her cry?
And what pain has she endured that always makes her feel so insecure?
Nobody sees her tears but me,
Nobody feels her pain but me,
and everytime I look into the mirror this crying angel is all I see.

true...true... very true...