all day all night, i press on toward the goal.You are my King, and that is why i sing.all because Christ Rules EVERYTHING About Me
ilovemyJesus!!

i do love Jesus.even in times like this, when i feel so down and cant keep smiling for more than 10 secs for almost one week, i have learnt t keep a spirit of praise with me.i dun wanna base my relationship on feelings anymore.i know God is real.i dun have to FEEL Him all the time.remember TEABAG? yes, times like this are my hot-water tests.and i praise God for it, not hypocritically.

people around me.i'm sorry havent been able t act/speak/etc normally recently.many things are happening around me and i cnt take my life so lightly and happily like i had been doing.i'm a grown girl, i must learn to think and act maturely.i'm still trying to adapt to a more serious surrounding, give me time and i'll learn t balance my life properly.we'll still have fun in the future. (:

i feel awfully horrid! i'm lagging behind in trng, far far behind.i'm under-performing even though i seem to have given my best.and i rly doubt my abilities of going to njc.i dun wanna t become a lie to them.i can secure a place RIGHT NOW, but nothing comes easy.i'll have t train hard, and study hard.i'm going t need t put in alot of time and energy so that i can become worthy of the DSA programme.i dun want t be taking advantage of the system.i want t go there with true abilities.

i feel awfully horrid a second time! whatever it is, there's something bothering me.i cant sleep at night and when i do, not more than 15mins.and i wake very early.as tired as i feel, i just cant get t slp, causing the sluggishness in me for the rest of the day.

i feel awfully horrid the third time! people around me just cant get serious about things, and disciplined about what they want to do.i dun see the reason of going t a place t do sth but not doing it in the end.we'll just be losers going thr for the sake of going, and wasting our precious time which could have been used t do something more productive.and if u wanna do something, why dun u give it ur best shot? aim for the best, not just above average.i'm rly disturbed by slackers who slack just because they are more skillful and are better in the field, so wasting EVERYONE's time.

i feel awfully horrid the forth time! after a long, tiring and depressing day, i return t a house where i find no true comfort.perhaps because i've nvr rly opened myself and stated what i want."knock and the door shall be open".i guess i nvr rly knocked on the door bfore.but i find it hard t talk t my family.my dad's totally oblivious t everything that happens in the family.my mum..sigh.she nvr understands what ure trying t say bcuz she is quite dumb.i dun mean t use the word..but she is.i cant find another word t replace 'dumb'.for now, let it stay.i dun mean it in a negative sense.my mum's sweet, she prays for me everyday.and she asks me what's wrong whn something happens.but when u try t tell her ur problem..she drifts away and its just IMPOSSIBLE t talk t her.but her good intentions i'm aware of and appreciate much.i love my mum.and for my sis, who often tells me she loves me and shows it through buying stuff for me and fufiling my material needs, doesnt rly care abt my emotions.perhaps she does, but she says nothing more than an "oh." when u tell her what ure going through.even if that's what she means by caring, or that's just how she expresses it, i'm not satisfied.i dun feel comforted.i need help, not just knowledge of how much everyone cares or loves me.and as for my brother.i dun want t seek anything from him.i dun hate him.he is my brother in Christ and physically.i do not rake up the past and hate him for that.i've moved on.but i just dun want t tell him anything.i shall address that when i knw why.

call upon the name of the Lord and be saved

i have other rantings.but this phrase just stoke me.i feel much better.alright.i'll rant it to my God. (: