How queer. I got here without meaning to, and without knowing how to.

When I was stuck in a rut, I picked up all sorts of rather pessimistic attitudes to get me through. The only one thing that I held on to that was "right" if I may say, was the belief that since God has not decided to take me away yet, I shall remain. Perhaps I was just existing, not living. Yet, it was this small little teeny weeny mustard-seed faith in God that "if I would just be around, He could - and if I had more faith, would - do something" that saved me.

I lacked the faith to expect or even hope. All I could believe in was mere existence for the sake of God. In fact, I was so defeated for an apparently long period that I honestly thought I'd never escape such artful desolation of the innermost. But (cliche as it is), I did.

Where I am now is the sum of all the experiences I've ever been through, multiplied by God's grace infinitely. I feel like I've matured in my relationship with God, despite not knowing how that happened. The only thing I did was to start with a little faith. And faith increased. And God did it. And faith increased. And God did it. And faith increased. And God did it. Now I look back to the not so historical past, and I can very confidently say, "God did it."