You are my strength when i am weak,
You are the treasure that i seek

Hello one and all :D
This is dedicated to Lyd, Zee and Eeeew:
ALL THE BEST FOR PRELIMS ;D
You will be remembered in my prayers fret not, so go therefore with confidence.

Remember, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17)

And one of you, I guess this post serves mainly to tell you how much I love and care for you as a friend, that perhaps you dont believe, but I'll be show you my friendship through my beliefs. :D -hugs-

If you kuchis need some rainbow at the end of the storm, think about meeting up with me (the ultimate candy you'll ever need) after Prelims :D Haha, alright. That was rather shameless.

TO THE REST OF THE WORLD,
ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY (materialistically),
IS MY PAUL FRANK WATCH ;D

till i see You face to face, till grace amazing takes my home, i'll trust in You

I went to my blog, and I realised, I'm not used to seeing whatever I've typed about my mid-mid-mid life crisis on http://leenette.blogspot.com. (You'd be stupid enough if you actually clicked on that link to only realize you're on the same page. Haha!) Anyway, the previous post had a very abrupt ending cause I was sleepy. I've concluded the catharsis properly already.

I am very tempted to delete that post.

That aside, I've been meaning to do this post-
A post dedicated to my cell group.
Never really got down to doing it until today.
So, here goes (in alphabetical order):

(Father) Aaron:
Truly living up to his name as 'Father'. (Private joke, sorry) Haha! Long-winded, yes, but nevertheless, very wise and inspirational. I think time has seen him become a matured and reliable man, compared to the cousin "Aaron-korkor" I once knew. I'm impressed by his 180deg change. He honours God with his life, and from what I see, he's not ashamed to proclaim his royal identity in Christ. (Father) Aaron's sensitive to the needs of people too! Though I dont know how to show my love and respect for him cause we communicate at different wavelengths, I do love and respect him as my cousin and cell leader. Except that I feel weird calling him "korkor" now. Haha!
(Oh, I found a picture of him before I was born...Extreme right. I think he was handsome as a boy, lol!)



Alyssa:
If she was a teacher in AC, I would vote for her for "The Tightrope Walker" for Teacher's Day AC Circus. Why? Because she has good balance in life. Haha, Aly is rather poised. Its because she puts God above all her plans. I'm impressed by how she makes decision (like for her job) rationalized by Spiritual beliefs. She inspires me to be the impressive career woman she is, yet not hard-headed. In fact, she has her fair share of fun and laughter, and I can hang out with her as though she's 17 too! Aly shows me alot of love and concern, and practices them in action (like sending me home, buying me skittles etc). She encourages me a lot and always gives me precious advices. And yes, Aly always looks very trendy and fashionable. I personally like her sweet, flowy-skirt look the most. Haha! I love Alyssa more than I can show it, heh. Growing up is much easier with her around!

Audrey:
Audrey is the ultimate Burping-machine. I havent asked her yet, but I believe she can burp at will. Or burp a song out. Haha, though I dont see her much, I believe I will soon. Two words to describe Audrey would be Bubbly and Outgoing. You can always trust Audrey to give the funniest expressions and do the craziest things. I'll never forget Audrey as the girl who explained what a "Wedgie" was to me. Haha!

Azel:
Someone I really look up to as a Spiritual role model. Sazel (I prefer calling her Sazel- Sweet Azel) really looks after me like a big sister. She's thoughtful, sincere and honest. She teaches me many things, and channels my problems to God. And not to forget the countless times she's encouraged me gently and patiently. She's been there for me whenever I needed her. Sazel is FAT, not obesed-fat, but Faithful, Available and Teachable. And to sidetrack abit, she reminds me of a graceful Swan, especially when her voice is very girly (girly, not bimbo) and calm. Haha! Sazel's fun to hang around with too! Lately (after coming back from Thailand), she's looking very hip and chic. (Derivation from a Swan to a Chick, pun intended) Haha! I love Sazel the way she is. And I think she'll make a good wife. Whoops.

Caleb:
I feel like laughing just looking at his name. Why? Because he looks like Squidward (?) from Spongebob. Haha! Alright, discounting the weekly dose of lemon juice he serves me with, (in other words, he suans, or 'annoy' in English, me every week) I think Caleb's actually very nice. He's pretty thoughtful for a guy, and in fact, very matured in his faith. A very trustworhty brother-in-Christ. Dont be surprised I'm saying this! Haha! Calabee, as Tiffy likes to call him, is very fun to have around too! I think anyone can just sit and laugh at him the whole day. Haha!

Play spot the Difference!


Carol:
I'll never cease to be impressed by Carol's frankness. She' frank with everything, really! I appreciate her alot in cell, cause somehow, I can connect with her in the same frequency. I'm always encouraged when I see her trying to live the life God has planned for her, despite the temptations in this world. I'm glad to have her in cell, and even more glad when she's my prayer partner! Not to forget, she never fails to make me laugh when she talks. Haha! I do love this pretty babe.

Derek:
Derek is the big brother who teaches me a lot, a lot, a lot of things that are applicable to me in my life. And he sets a good example. His unwaivering faith in God encourages me, and motivates me to honour God like he does. Derek is also very caring and loving genuinely, always offering to send me home. Though, like Caleb, he always disturbs me, (and I admit it works both ways, haha!) I know he is concerned for me as a big brudda'. Besides, I guess that's his way of contributing to the fun in cell. Haha! Whatever it is, I do feel blessed having him in cell!

(Very coincidently, after I typed the above, Derek came online. The first thing he said was, "Study". Haha!)

Gabby:
Better known as Shihua, haha! I love Gabby for being who she is really. She's fun (yes very fun) and sensible. I applaud her Bible knowledge- always able to come up with relevant Bible verses. I'm also very grateful for her consideration towards my well-being many times. The most prominent thing about Gatsby, oops, I mean, Gabby-dear, is the Joy she exudes. It always gets me, and gives me much cheering. In a nutshell, I love Gabby! (I used Gabby instead of Shihua cause its nicer to type, haha!)

Gabriel:
Hahahaha, Pastor Gabriel. (FYI, he's not really a Pastor, though his dad is) I used to think Gabriel was quiet and shy, but I came to learn how Gabriel is funny with his weird antics. Like, while he is sharing, you can expect to hear, "...and God...blah blah blah. Sorry ah, really sorry. I need to go toilet." Hahahahaha! But on a serious note, I think Gabriel is someone I can learn from. I commend his positive attitude towards life. The kind who "smiles at the storm". He's also kind, offering me lifts home. (I'm a very blessed girl, thank you. Haha!) I'm thankful for an intern like him!

Jonathan:
Hahahahahahahahahaha! I like it when Jonathan is in cell, cause he makes me laugh with his words and actions. I remember him playing with the Power Control of Bukit Timah Shopping Centre (that's where the church office is located) around 11pm at night just to get the lifts operating. And he didnt seem to be very bothered by the fact that there was a security camera. Haha! Cell would be less fun without him. I'm also glad to see him testify during sharing, cause he doesnt look like he would be comfortable testifying in front of everyone (maybe its not like that, but to me it seems so) yet he does so to encourage all of us. I can safely say his presence is appreciated by all of us.

Joshua:
Joshua's quite new to cell, but I think he's adapting well. At first I thought he was shy, cause he's quite soft-spoken and I usually cannot hear what he is saying, haha! I guess to a certain extent he is, but as he gets warm with all of us, he's lightening up and unleashing the fun side. I'm delighted to see his faithfulness in coming for cell and church, and his willingless to seek more of God. Somehow, I have the impression that he's quite courteous, haha! I look forward to seeing him in cell more!

Paul:
I like to refer to him as Paulie, I dont know why. Haha! Sounds like Toothpaste brand. Anyway, Paul is the cell's Mr Nice Guy, always caring for all us in cell, always offering a lending hand. I've always seen Paul as a humble brother, who exercises good self-control over his emotions. I want to learn that from him. Not to forget, Paul is always up for any kinda fun. Can always count on him to support you if you want to plan an outing or something. I'm glad he is with us!

Poi:
Poi is a sister from Thailand, studying in Trinity Bible College here. It never fails to amaze me how she really came by faith. With no money, only love offering and faith in God to provide for her. I doubt at my current level, I would dare to go to another country without friends and money. Her strong faith motivates me, and reassures me that my God is real. And Poi is very cheerful and bubbly too! I get along with her quite easily. She's really friendly and amiable. Will miss her when she returns to Thailand, but I know its for a better purpose!

Summer:
Can anything be more cutesy? I've always remembered her chirpy squeals when she's excited. But I love her for more than just that. Summer's thoughtful, gracious, and tries to make herself available for you despite being very busy with work. I'm encouraged by her growth and perseverance in her Spiritual walk with God. Though she's a first-generation Christian, she is willing to let God work in her, putting aside her doubts and having faith. I appreciate her honesty, and concern. And I do think about her a lot when I dont see her. Yup, I love Summer every season. (Pun intended, haha!)

Terrence:
There isnt much opportunity for me to talk to Terrence much, but the few times we do, I thank God for people like him who may not know you well but truly cares for you. Even when I didnt announce when my prelims were, he initiated asking me when they were and what papers on which day so he could pray for me. That is truly amazing, for someone who used to be a different person. Terrence is sincere in his love for God, and that does fire up my passion for God. As the cell progresses, I hope to discover more about him. Still, its nice to see him on Saturday nights.

Tiffany:
Tiffy-poo, what can I say? This short paragraph will not do justice to our royal sistership. Tiffany is more than the girl who buys me stuff, thinks and cares for me or listen to me complain. I'm grateful for her earnest interest in my emotional progress. I'm glad that there'll always be Tiffy to play computer game (not games, just game) with, and to confide in. Tiffy would go the extra mile for me, so touched. Haha! I've always felt very loved by her, and I know I can count on her if I need her help. I love Tiffy-poo.

Wenkang:
Kangster sometimes really behaves like a Gangster, liasing with the forces of evil (namely Caleb and Derek) in making fun of me. Hahahaha, okay, kidding. Its all in the name on fun. That being said, Kangster is actually a humble cell group leader. He seldom believes in himself, but let me go on before you make any judgement. He doesnt believe in himself, because He believes in God and is aware that everything He has is God's. For that, God is transforming his life and empowering him to lead this cell. Wenkang always shows his concern towards us, and assures us when we face difficult circumstances. I appreciate his contributions to cell- making time for us and all. He encourages and builds me up alot, and I cannot think of a reason for me not to respect him. Haha! I thank God that he is my cell group leader.

Derek bluetoothed this to me, its a picture of Wenkang, the Superhero!

Your loving embrace, it quickens my Spirit

Under my Um-ber-rella-ella-ella-eh-eh. Haha, this line paticularly is stuck in my head at such an unearthly hour. Why? Because Derek kept singing it during cell. Anyway, I've been thinking alot about 2 things this week, especially this week.

You would think its Prelims.

But no.

The first is my cell group, Tsidkenu Wenkang's Cell. (Haha, FYI, we used to be part of Tsidkenu when the strength was larger, but we multiplied) Someone has deeply impressed upon me to pray for my cell everyday. I dont know who that someone, or more accurately, what that something is exactly. But I am visualising this cell group grow in our love for God and our love for each other. I want to see breakthroughs every week :D

The second, you probably heard it many many times if you've been an avid reader. By now, if you read on, you would recognise me as a dog chasing after its own tail. (Though I would much rather be a monkey because I love monkeys, Paul Frank!) If you havent already guessed it, its about growing up once again. I dont want to bore you with this. Yet I feel like I want to type out a 5000 word essay on my apprehension towards my 18th birthday. Yes it is approaching, but this is not a hint. I'ld like the celebration, the presents(haha, i do!) and all. But I dont like the part about "growing up".

DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS LINE IF YOURE NOT IN FOR SOME SERIOUS MID-MID-MID-MID LIFE CRISIS MONOLOGUE.

1. Opportunity Costs. Yes, it is the same "next best alternative forgone" you learn in Economics. As life goes on, you make decisions. With every decision made, an Opportunity Cost is incurred. I would stop time so I can remain happy where I am, but I'm forced to grow up, forced to live and make decisions. Why forced? Because I cannot control time. It goes on and on, without my consent. I am chatting with Paul about this now, and an example I used was,

"I came from River Valley Primary School, but I want to go back and experience what it would have been like coming from MGS"

Its not about MGS, I could have said Changkat Changi Primary School. My point is I want to be in 2 places at one time, figuratively. Literally, I want to experience every single lifestyle per period. But that is humanly impossible, unless youre Moses who can stop time. (According to Aaron who said scientists proved that Moses stopped time) I'm afraid of missing out. I'm pained by Opportunity Costs.

Greedy? You think. (Well, Paul thought, haha!) I guess it isnt wrong to put it that way.

2. I'm unable to let go of the past-packing into Mooncake boxes and chucking it in some corner. I wish my past was alive, unfolding infront of me every morning. I do miss old things, old lifestyles, old habits (yes old habits), ever aspect of what I've lived through. But I do anticipate the future because I know there are pleasent things to be explored- God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11.

But the future is different from the past. The past you have lived, you know what its like, you can keep the happy memories and garuntee they have a happy ending. The future, on the other hand, is unknown. Anything can happen. Rather than conjured replays, I wanna re-live the good ol' times, and know that they are good times indeed.

3. The future seems bleak, and especially so after reading Revelations. Haha! Essentially, life on earth (maybe applicable to Sporeans only) is Study, Work, Do nothing (in your Golden Years because youre weak and frail and cant behave like a Sec sch canoeist anymore) and Die. It is so meaningless.

Thankfully, I am a Christian and I find alot of meaning in life because I'm working for a God who abounds in love.

But that, too, is a push factor. I noticed how as you grow older your faith gets colder. Not in my cell of course! There is Admirable Alyssa (I love alliterations) who puts God above her work. But generally, it does happen. Maybe not the diminishing of faith, but the faith-generated deeds. I would justify that with the lack of time due to heavier responsibilities.

4. I am afraid of change.

That being said, growing up is an inevitable naturally-pccuring process. Change is packaged with this. And I dont like such changes. I dont like puberty actually. I like to do things at my pace. Furthermore, such changes are irreversible. For me, I want to grow up when I want, and behave like a kid or a JC student when I want (without public judgement). Again, this is not achievable.

I love/hate to see myself becoming a Mother. Love because its something I've never experienced before (Doh!) and I'm excited. Hate because I'll never be able to come back to where I am now, or go back to where I had been. Hate because things would be so very different.

When I look at old things, photographs especially, I get reminded of the used-to-bes and it makes me upset. I've felt the sense of loss for a long time, but the older I grow, there more there is to lose.







My fathers' eyes looked out for me, and if they weren't, it only means that he is carrying me. I remember how I would run to him when he comes home from work, to ask him for shirlings (coins) so I could save up. He used to call me when he's resting on the sofa, reading the newspapers, and I would crawl on top of him and kiss him. I could always feel his beard/moustache stubs which were pokey. He asks me if it poked me.

These things faded with time, and by now, they feel like they havent happened for the longest time, or maybe never happened.

But I digress, I'm not here to reminisce.
I'm complaining about time passing.

Why must time pass? Why do we grow old and never truly reverse our age? I am fearful of growing up. And I dont want to let these questions rob my faith and joy in God.

"God give me the detachment to accept those things I cannot alter;
the courage to alter those things I can alter;
and the wisdom to distinguish the one thing from the other."
-Serenity Prayer, 18th Century

Due to blah blah blah and blah blah blah, a replacement video of Jeffrey will be up soon after prelim .

I'VE BEEN TAGGED.
I could essentially ignore this and pretend I dont visit z's blog, but well, because z is my friend.

*I changed the number to 7 cause I dont like the number 6, but I like 7 :D

Each player of the game starts off by giving 6 7 weird things about themselves.
People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 7 weird things,as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you'll need to choose 6 7 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I had my own secret recipe pasta for 2 days now. (Secret recipe usually means no recipe)
2. I like to touch my pony tail/fringe/hair when I'm studying.
3. My family members say no one should see me sleep at home because of uhm, the positions.
4. I really submitted a very bad Geog and SS essay for O'levels but still got an A1.
5. I like shopping alone but dont like it when outsiders look at me shop alone
6. Sometimes I pretend to be damn rich in Taka's LV
7. This takes alot of courage but.. I once peed on my friend's bed.
(Okay, go ahead and laugh at the last one. I'm really asking for it when I made it 7)

People tagged: YOU
(Okay, I really dont know who to write because I think less thank 6 7 people read my blog you know)

Matt De Haan - HELL (RBC Ministries)
*editted/some text removed

I wish I didnt have to believe in HELL.

While seeing the need for eternal justice, the thought of cruel and unusual punishment that lasts forever sounds morally wrong to me. Yes, the Bible describes God as a great King who creates a lake of everlasting fire for rebels who want no part of His Kingdom.

I thought alot about the story Jesus told of a callous rich man who died and found himself in Hades. Even before the final judgement, the man was suffering in flame and torment (LUKE 16:19-31). Whether Jesus was speaking in a parable or not, I've found some solace in the fact that the man in the fire was able to carry on a conversation. He was not suffering the way I imagined as a child.

(Hell in REVELATIONS) In a book that uses strong symbolic language to sound clear warnings of judgement, we read that all those who worship the beast ... will all be cast into the lake of fire where "they will be tormented day and night forever and ever"(20:10).

So how do we take these warnings to heart without losing our minds over lost loved ones? Our challenge is to believe as Abraham did, that "the Judge of all the earth [will] do right" (Genesis 18:25). Such a God understands infinitely better than we do how to exercise justice that is consistent with His own character.

Degrees of punishment
Jesus repeatedly indicated that judgement will be more tolerable for some than for others (MATTHEW 10:15; 11:22,24; LUKE 12: 46-48).

For what we cannot understand, those of us who bear heartache for lost loved ones need to trust the One who loves them far more than we do. He has told us as much as He wants to know. The rest we need to leave in His hands.

(Thanks to my cousin, Lindy, for sending me this leaflet. The original hardcopy can be found with this term's Daily Bread. Otherwise, ask me and I'll email it to you)

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I'm caught
in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back, I know You are near.

And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go,
In every high and every low.
O no, You never let go,
Lord, You never let go of me.

You keep on running and you never let go
Singing Lord You never let go of me

And I can see a light
that is coming for the heart that holds on,
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes,
We'll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on.
And there will be an end to these troubles
but until that day comes,
Still I will praise You.

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I am going through a tough period of what Azel would call Moulding.
Please keep me in prayer.