competition is in 2 days.i dun want to let anything affect me.i need to settle everything on my side before the competition.i need to be done with what i can do.and just what i,on my side,can do.thn i can go for competition.but bsides that.i dun noe.u know.ytd night.i dreamt about the competition.i dreamt tt i lost.and everyone was laughing at me.cuz they expected me to lose.and they were waiting for this chance to laugh at me.no one would comfort me.no one at all.everyone else is at the other side of the bridge.i dun want.i dun want to go for competition.right frm the start i alrdy told mr josef and ms ang i didnt want to go for competition.i'm not ready.and i dun want to lose.and i dun want the world to laugh at me.i dun want.i dun want.i dun want to be all alone.its so scary.and the dream felt so real.i'm afraid tt's what's gg to happen on tt day.u know what happend at the end of the dream?i died.i committed suicide.of cuz in real life i wun commit suicide bcuz even if i cant handle anymore stress, i'm too much of a coward to take my own life.but it was so scary i woke up this morning at 4plus crying.i dun want to go for competition.but that is selfish behaviour.and ms and mr josef would be angry.and coach would be disappointed.and we might change coach soon, i want to do my best for him before he leaves.i'm so torn.i'm so torn.

two more days to competition.i'm not rdy.i cant go for competion!i can't!i'll screw up!and everyone's gg to laugh.i am not rdy!i am not ready!

and i havent got over what i just saw when i came back frm sch jst now.i dun think i'll get over it ever.its so.frightening.but isnt that what i've always wanted?i dun noe.i dun want to announce it to the whole world.no.i dun even want to tell anyone.no.i dun know about it.i didnt see it.its not happening.i'm dreaming.i am not afraid.i'm dreaming.there's nothing.